Ouch. At those times it can seem to the Entrepre-nerd that Polished Pros have some sort of a mysterious ability, a power-of-the-mind to remain engaged and detached at the same time. Rest assured, they do - though the means by which they achieve this this isn't very mysterious at all.
Imagine - tonight you'll be attending your first invite-only networking event.
The room will surely be filled with high-powered and well-placed business-people. Its going to be a great opportunity to build your network!
Tactic 1: Prepare
You leave for the event feeling completely prepared: your Gambit is ready to go, your One-liner is hooky, and your Elevator Speech is clear, concise, and memorable. You know your Ask. You're so on your game that the Magic Question is even front of mind. (here's a lexicon of the terms I use when teaching my workshops)
You're feeling confident because you're well-prepared. Preparation is key, and nice work there - but that feeling of confidence? It could wind-up being a problem later in the evening. The fact that you're happy with your preparation is certainly a net-positive, but that confidence can come off as cockiness, which is nearly always a turn-off. Retain that positive energy but lose the story in your head. This will help you to keep your balance as you navigate the strong personalities and networking challenges you'll face at the event.
In A League of Their Own Tom Hanks plays a baseball coach who is upset that he's been "reduced" to coaching an all-women's team. His frustration turns to anger when one of the players starts to cry in the locker room, and in response he yells at the whole team in astonishment, "There's no crying in baseball!"
Strong positive and negative emotions have no place in networking.
Strong emotions are no help - they can only confuse or distract you. Do your best to remain neutral when you feel like things are going well (or going poorly) and you'll be much better positioned when it matters most.
Back to the event: Let's say your first few interactions are strongly positive - you're relaxing and people are asking for your card. Then someone you've been trying to meet for two years appears unexpectedly. He's just a few feet away, talking to a few others. Should you approach? You feel a clammy nervousness and uncertainty displacing the heady confidence you were experiencing just a moment ago.
You don't want to wait for another chance to meet this powerhouse, so you suck it up, gather your courage, and walk over to his group. Everyone is leaning in, listening intently. As you reach the fringe of the group they erupt in laughter - you've walked into a perfect opening! As they quiet down, you pick your moment, put out your hand, and introduce yourself.
Tactic 2: Right-size
Then you realize - you skipped right over your Gambit. "Oh well, points just for stepping up!", you think to yourself, but during your internal dialogue you miss the question that the powerhouse just asked you. Crap. You try to think fast and recover, but the startled look on your face means your Entrepre-nerd flag is flying. You ask him to repeat himself, and now its clear to the group - you're not a Polished Pro. You exchange a few pleasantries you ask for his card. He offers it and doesn't ask for yours in return. You feel like you've blown it and walk away, dejected. "God", you think, "they must think I'm an idiot."
We've all been there.
Part of whats going on here is that the Entrepre-nerd was busy 'ranking' when they should have been Right-sizing. They were putting some people on a pedestal, disregarding others, spending valuable time and energy figuring out where they stood in the pecking order. Keep reminding yourself: at networking events, everyone is equal, and everyone has something to valuable offer - including you.
Tactic 3: Be Present
Our Entrepre-nerd above quickly lost track of the present moment. There are lots of ways we do this. We might remembering what didn't get done today, or recall how unhappy you are with a co-worker. Sometimes its a family or relationship issue. The net result is that we're distracted from the here and now.
Your issues are all valid, and my point isn't to blow them off, but rather that a networking event is not the place to solve any problems. It's the place for building and maintaining your professional network, period.
To "be present", identify the issues that are distracting you, smile, then let go of them for the next 2 hours. Focus on showing up and networking like a Polished Pro.
Concepts to Action
Prepare. There is simply no substitute. Here's a handy checklist
Right-size. Remember that what you have to offer is of value. This value is no greater and no lesser than anyone else you may meet - even that business powerhouse you've been tracking for the last two years.
Be Present. Acknowledge any strong feelings you're experiencing and let them go before you walk into the room.
See you there!
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