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Monday, December 17, 2012

Goldilocks and The Nested Spheres, Part 2 – Your Three Spheres


Building your professional network can feel like wading through molasses. But there's a tipping-point, after which the critical mass will allow you to create value for the right person at the right moment almost effortlessly. This is when networking stops being a chore and turns into a game - a potentially very productive game.

First Discernment, then Follow-up
The strongest networks are built by professionals who: 1) enjoy spending time with each other, 2) have developed high-level skills around networking - and not always in that order.

I outlined the skill of Discernment In part one of this blog. Discernment tells me when someone is ready to be included in my professional network. That's a privilege I don't take lightly, and neither should you.

But this isn't personal. There's no passing of judgment on anyone here - not on you or on people you meet, for good or for bad. Myth #1 of networking says that we'll be ruthlessly judged by sharks and shysters the moment we walk into the room. Most of us picture a roomful of oily smiles and too many business cards.

"Would you like one of my cards?"

An Entrepre-nerd takes that false signal - the presumption of being negatively judged - and rationalizes a choice to opt-out of building a high-functioning network. This myth persists until the Entrpre-nerd learns how to spot the Polished Pros who are always swimming around the shark tank.

The first outward-facing skill of networking is Follow-up. In the course of a lifetime, you’ll probably meet somewhere around 1,000 to 10,000 people. This means that, at most, you’ll meet .0002% of the world’s population. And are you really gonna follow-up with each one of them?

This Nested Spheres model will make it easier for you to size-up where and how each person might fit into your network, and identify the right people to follow-up with.

How to Prioritize
Picture three spheres, one nested inside the next, with you standing at the center. Each sphere holds a distinct portion of your network. Divvying-up things up this way is useful, because each sphere requires a different type of follow-up and different amounts of effort and attention. (see table at bottom)

Let's work from the outside in; the red zone is for anyone you "don't know yet and probably never will". All those people remain outside of the spheres. This is where you'll keep acquaintances, people who can't qualify as reciprocators, that nice-but-kinda-clueless person you met for lunch the other day goes here too. Let's call this red zone group 'Don't Know Well'.


Moving inside, the largest sphere represent the outer limit of your network. You'll keep one hundred-or-so 'Pals' in this largest yellow sphere.

'Pals' clear your vision and values hurdles, but their ability to reciprocate isn't clear to you yet.

The middle/green sphere is where you keep your 'Allies'. These people have been vetted - they are happy practitioners of  reciprocity. A vibrant network has 30-40 Allies.

The small sphere is where you keep your 'Intimates'. Everyone in this group is certainly a reciprocator, but they're also people whose judgement and experience you hold in high esteem. These are the people you sometimes run important decisions by, people you might even socialize with over the weekend. Most Polished Pros can manage no more than 10 Intimates at a time.

Getting the picture? Before someone can move from Don't Know Well to Pal, they must first clear your Discernment hurdle. And the hurdles don't stop there. As your Allies and Intimates spheres grow, you'll being use different types of discernment at each step.

Entrepre-nerds spend too much time cultivating the wrong people. Why? Because haven't segmented their network yet. They're managing their network tactically - if at all. Polished Pros are checking-in with each one of their spheres in a nice, easy rhythm, managing the process both tactically and strategically. That gives them the magic touch.

Are You A Reciprocator?
Sharks are takers, pure and simple. Their eyes flash at the scent of blood. Some of them are so smooth that you may not notice their sharkiness right away, but keep practicing discernment and the sharks will always reveal themselves.

But stop right there if you're thinking that overly-generous people are any "better" than sharks. At least with a shark, you always know where you stand. A 'giver' is a moving target, sharing opportunities on a whim, and oddly, declining other people’s offers of help. Get in front of a giver at the right moment and you might 'get the nod', but they're difficult to cultivate. They can can come off like a giddy mass of free-associating pop-rocks shooting in all directions at once.

Polished Pros make it easy on themselves and keep both these types of Entrepre-nerds into the the red zone - Don't Know Well.

Reciprocation is a middle ground between giving and taking. It can be offered so smoothly that at times we don't even notice it happening. It can come in the form of an introduction, information, experience, or opportunity. Reciprocators make their offer gently, thoughtfully, and appropriately. They give with discernment. And they receive with gratitude. Segmenting their network this way lets them shepard their resources - time, energy, and money - more effectively.

Concepts into Action
Each of us has 24 hours in a day. The Pro has mastered a system that allows them to spend their time, energy, and money in increasingly effective ways. They stay plugged-in to those they value the most while keeping in touch with the right people, and staying on-track with lots of others, all at the same time – and making it appear effortless.


Following the suggestions (in the table above) about how to allocate your time, energy, and money is a great place to start getting strategic about building a trust-based network.

‘Share’ (in the 5th column above) is a big topic. This post is already too long, so I’ll cover that all on its own a future post. For now think of Sharing as the Quantity, Quality, and Types of information that you share with your Intimates, your Allies, and your Pals - and sometimes even those folks you don't know very well.


See you there!



Sunday, December 9, 2012

Goldilocks and the Nested Spheres, Part 1 – The Seeds of Discernment

On Courage
When we're just beginning to network, the thought of wading through room-fulls of people we don't know and chatting them up makes all of us want to jump out a window and run for the hills.


It takes real courage to show up at a networking event. Yes, some of us have been networking since dinosaurs ruled the earth, but doesn’t mean we don’t feel a few butterflies as we walk into the room. Stepping out our comfort zone overwhelms some us - even as we plaster on a smile, telling ourselves to "just suck it up and keep building my network".
 
But that nervous/negative feeling is fertile ground for networking mis-steps. Its a clear signal that we aren't feeling prepared to step into the room. So how does one prepare?

Preparation Begins with Discernment
Discernment is one of the tools a Polished Pro keeps ever-ready in their Networking Toolkit©. It's a critical to master this tool early, as it allows us to focus our time, money, and energy. You've mastered Discernment when you're able to ask and answer three key questions in the heat of meeting someone for the first (or fiftieth) time:
  • Does this person share my values?
  • Does this person understand my vision?
  • Will this person be a taker, a giver, or a reciprocator?

Who and what is most important in your life? Family, security, joy? These are your values. Many of us share the same Core Values - so its natural that in a room-full of people, most but not all share your values.

Discernment here is a pure gut-check, meaning, how do you feel when you’re talking with this person? Because so many of us share the same values, at this point we’re usually feeling pretty good - and the Entrepre-nerd starts to think:
"Hey, this networking stuff isn't so hard after all! This guy seems pretty cool... maybe its time to give him a card..?"

Big mistake.

The Polished Pro will pause here, taking a moment to slow things down. They know that shared values are one thing -- and follow-up something else entirely.

The Polished Pro segues smoothly to questions of Professional Vision. They might ask you, “Tell me... who do you hope to meet tonight - and why?”

Because the Entrepre-nerd's toolkit is still small, when faced a question about their vision they either begin ‘over-sharing’ (giving too much detail, using technical jargon) - or clam up and beat a hasty retreat. The Polished Pro takes either response as a cue to be politely excused. 

With values and vision established, you'll arrive at the third question of Discernment. Ask: does this person operate from an intention of Reciprocation? (more on reciprocation in Part 3), or are they a 'Giver/Taker'?

Regardless, the Polished Pro understands that it takes time for people to fully reveal themselves. Building professional relationships with the right people takes time. It will also take far less energy than the typical Entrepre-nerd puts into it.

Concepts into Action
Time to begin your practice of Discernment.

Over the next few days, answer these three questions when meeting someone (whether for the first or fiftieth time) : What do they value? What is their vision? Are they give-y/take-y or Reciprocal?

As you reach out to your contacts you'll probably find a few who are ready, willing, and able to take your professional relationship to a deeper level. Be sure to proceed slowly, using Discernment and begin to assess their true nature.


In Part 2 of this series we’ll fill-in the next two columns of this matrix. I'll go into more detail about how to build a more effective network with less effort - all based on the Nested Spheres model.



See you there!