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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Goldilocks and the Nested Spheres, Part 1 – The Seeds of Discernment

On Courage
When we're just beginning to network, the thought of wading through room-fulls of people we don't know and chatting them up makes all of us want to jump out a window and run for the hills.


It takes real courage to show up at a networking event. Yes, some of us have been networking since dinosaurs ruled the earth, but doesn’t mean we don’t feel a few butterflies as we walk into the room. Stepping out our comfort zone overwhelms some us - even as we plaster on a smile, telling ourselves to "just suck it up and keep building my network".
 
But that nervous/negative feeling is fertile ground for networking mis-steps. Its a clear signal that we aren't feeling prepared to step into the room. So how does one prepare?

Preparation Begins with Discernment
Discernment is one of the tools a Polished Pro keeps ever-ready in their Networking Toolkit©. It's a critical to master this tool early, as it allows us to focus our time, money, and energy. You've mastered Discernment when you're able to ask and answer three key questions in the heat of meeting someone for the first (or fiftieth) time:
  • Does this person share my values?
  • Does this person understand my vision?
  • Will this person be a taker, a giver, or a reciprocator?

Who and what is most important in your life? Family, security, joy? These are your values. Many of us share the same Core Values - so its natural that in a room-full of people, most but not all share your values.

Discernment here is a pure gut-check, meaning, how do you feel when you’re talking with this person? Because so many of us share the same values, at this point we’re usually feeling pretty good - and the Entrepre-nerd starts to think:
"Hey, this networking stuff isn't so hard after all! This guy seems pretty cool... maybe its time to give him a card..?"

Big mistake.

The Polished Pro will pause here, taking a moment to slow things down. They know that shared values are one thing -- and follow-up something else entirely.

The Polished Pro segues smoothly to questions of Professional Vision. They might ask you, “Tell me... who do you hope to meet tonight - and why?”

Because the Entrepre-nerd's toolkit is still small, when faced a question about their vision they either begin ‘over-sharing’ (giving too much detail, using technical jargon) - or clam up and beat a hasty retreat. The Polished Pro takes either response as a cue to be politely excused. 

With values and vision established, you'll arrive at the third question of Discernment. Ask: does this person operate from an intention of Reciprocation? (more on reciprocation in Part 3), or are they a 'Giver/Taker'?

Regardless, the Polished Pro understands that it takes time for people to fully reveal themselves. Building professional relationships with the right people takes time. It will also take far less energy than the typical Entrepre-nerd puts into it.

Concepts into Action
Time to begin your practice of Discernment.

Over the next few days, answer these three questions when meeting someone (whether for the first or fiftieth time) : What do they value? What is their vision? Are they give-y/take-y or Reciprocal?

As you reach out to your contacts you'll probably find a few who are ready, willing, and able to take your professional relationship to a deeper level. Be sure to proceed slowly, using Discernment and begin to assess their true nature.


In Part 2 of this series we’ll fill-in the next two columns of this matrix. I'll go into more detail about how to build a more effective network with less effort - all based on the Nested Spheres model.



See you there!




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